News Analysis Cutting thru the Propaganda Fog |
Hall of Shame Evil GOP Bastard of the Month |
David Dreier Congressman & GOP Spin Doctor This California Representative must live on an airplane. But when the GOP needs to |
Since the New Deal, Republicans have been on the wrong side of every issue of concern
to ordinary Americans; Social Security, the war in Vietnam, equal rights,
civil liberties, church- state separation, consumer issues, public education, reproductive
freedom, national health care, labor issues, gun policy, campaign-finance
reform, the environment and tax fairness. No political party could remain so consistently wrong by accident. The only rational conclusion is that, despite their cynical "family values" propaganda, the Republican Party is a criminal conspiracy to betray the interests of the American people in favor of plutocratic and corporate interests, and absolutist religious groups. |
Why? Because they're evil GOP bastards! |
Secret Transcript continued |
spin the rubes, Dreier is there on TV, virtually seven days a week. His skills as
a sophist -- he will shame- lessly argue any Republican talking point, no matter how transparently false -- ensure that his is a rising star in the GOP apparat. We predict he will be drafted as a VP nominee, when Cheney's "health problems" force him to decline. |
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I always get a chuckle when I hear Dubya quoted about talking to "God" or his "Heavenly
Father." Those are his favorite nicknames for me (beats Turd-Blossum). |
FB: Sweet, but what about Congress? The Dems will never go for it. VP: Don't worry about Congress. Karl can manage the political end. Hell, between Karl and Tom DeLay, they could get a Republican majority to pass a resolution praising child pornography. The Dems are amateurs -- much too disorganized to ever mount an effective opposition. ZM: What about the president? He's on board with this? VP: As I told you, this is strictly on a need-to-know basis. We'll brief him when the time comes. MG: Won't this look like we're helping the Israelis? Won't this make those Arabs even more pissed off than they already are? They've got the oil. What have the Kikes ever done for us? RS: The damn Jews are trying to take over the world... KR: Please! Try to remember that while the Christers may hate the Jews, they just loooove Israel. Some hocum about biblical prophecy or something. As for the Arabs, who gives a shit? The last time I looked they hadn't contributed much to Bush-Cheney. Fuck 'em. VP: Karl's right. Keeping the Jesus lobby happy is essential to our '04 re-election strategy. Don't worry about it. They're too stupid to know when they're being screwed -- we just throw some catnip their way once in a while. That's Dub's job. FB: And you're certain that when the body bags start coming home you'll be able to put a positive spin on this? I can see the headlines now; blood for oil, imperialism, fascism, etc. KR: No problemo. Our friends in the media can paint any opposition to Operation Iraq Liberation as mamby-pamby, bed-wetting liberal, unpatriotic treason -- you know, Ann Coulter kinda stuff. VP: As a matter of fact, we'll be able to exploit any domestic opposition to our invasion of Iraq in the '02 mid-term elections. I'm assured that the invasion will be a cake-walk. Our soldiers will be greeted as liberators. Again, it's a win-win situation. KR: Picture this, President Bush in a flight suit doing a victory lap over Baghdad. The propaganda value will be priceless. ZM: That all great, but with all due respect to you and Karl's PR expertise, how will you ever sell this to the public? VP: We've got that covered. I can't say more about it right now, but we've got a big event coming up this September that will make sure that the American public is clamoring for war. RT: Still, there's going to be a lot of dead Americans. Surely the president will face some heat when the bodies of dead GIs start coming in. VP: That's what soldiers are for. That's what we pay them for. As Karl says, fuck 'em. ZM: If any of this ever leaks out, there'll be hell to pay. VP: That won't happen. As long as our friends on the Supreme Court are there, we have nothing to worry about. Any questions? Okay, thanks for coming -- we'll keep you posted. And remember, mum's the word. |
May 1, 2004 |
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The O'Franken Factor Weekdays at 12E |
The Secret Transcript of the Secret Meeting of Cheney's Secret Energy Task Force Attendees: VP Cheney (VP), Enron CEO Ken Lay (KL), a guy in a Zorro mask (ZM), an elderly lady in an elaborate Mardi Gras mask (MG), a guy wearing a Roman toga with broad purple stripe (RT), presiden- tial adviser Karl Rove (KR), a bald- headed guy in dark sunglasses and wearing a fake beard (FB), and on speaker phone, Richard Mellon Scaife (RS). VP: Thank you all for coming, and you too Richard. RS: You're welcome Dick. VP: As you know, I've called this meeting of the Energy Task Force… KL: Hey, nobody told me this was a costume party. VP: It's not a party Ken, it's just that our activities here need to be kept secret, and some of us feel more comfortable if our fellow attendees can maintain plausible deniability. RT: Is it too late to get some kind of mask? VP: Don't worry about it, nobody -- I repeat -- nobody will ever find out what transpires in this meeting. KL: What's all the secrecy about? I thought we were here to discuss energy policy. VP: Hang on Ken, we'll get to that. But just to set the agenda, our real purpose here is to ensure that our financial supporters will be able to maximize return on their investment in Bush-Cheney. KL: Sounds good! You know that nobody here has more invested in George W. Bush's political fortunes than me. RS: The hell you have! I've ponied up more than a billion dollars for our cause over the last 20 years. I've bought the right to sit at this table. VP: Richard, we all know how much money you've provided, and we appreciate how you almost brought the Clinton administration down single-handed. MG: Clinton, pshaw! We shoulda had that nigger-lovin' bastard killed like we did with the Kennedys and Martin Luther Coon. FB: Yeah, those pussies in the CIA just ain't as gutsy as they used to be. VP: Please! Can we get back to the topic? Energy, ladies and gentlemen… FB: One question -- how can we possibly squeeze more profits out than we already are? VP: I'm glad you asked. We've got several exciting opportunities to exploit. Karl? KR: Thanks, Dick. First, and this will make you happy Ken, we've got a plan to disrupt the California economy by squeezing billions out of their unregulated energy market. All we got to do is shut down some of their electrical plants "for main- tenance" (quotation gestures with fingers) and let the free market do the rest. We calculate that this can result in escalating their energy costs by up to 1000%. KL: Hey, sounds extra good! KR: Wait, it gets better. By crip- pling the California economy, we can drain the Democrats' financial base, since as you all know, California is overwhelmingly Democratic. RS: Can't we just accidentally nuke them or something? KR: I'd like that as much as you, Richard, but with this approach we can make billions while hurting our political enemies. We can even spin this to blame the California Dems -- maybe even stage a recall or something and get a Republican governor installed. RS: I'm not an oil man, what's in it for me? KR: Assume we can stage a coup in California, we'll then have control of their elections, and as you know from Florida in 2000, a friendly state government can make the difference in a close election. With control of the California election results, our re-election will be virtually guaran- teed. Then you'll get your payday. Everything you want; a rollback of civil rights laws, environmental regs, everything. It's a win-win for us. FB: Is that really possible? ZM: We're working on it. It's doable. Our friends at Diebold have given… assurances. KR: Furthermore, we're working on another project that will greatly enhance our friends in the energy sector's profits and at the same time assist Bush-Cheney in 2004. Mr. Vice President? VP: Thank you Karl. I must again stress the need for your utmost secrecy. I present to you Operation Iraq Liberation (laying out a map of Iraq). We plan to invade Iraq and depose Saddam Hussein. As you can see from the map, the oil concessions have already been allocated -- proportional to oil company contributions to us. |
Exposing the ugly truth about the Republican Party's diabolical plot to replace constitutional democracy with an oligarchic fascist theocracy... It's the only rational explanation! |
Why does the Republican Party zealously pursue policies so obviously counter to the
best interests of ordinary Americans? It can only be because they're... |